The Last of Us: 50 Shades of What?
by SarcasticalCrab
Summary: Some books should just never be read.


The Last of Us: 50 Shades of What?

Ellie was about to open the door to hers and Joel's home before a positively _delectable_ smell steered her elsewhere. Her nose led her to the back of their home where he found Joel standing diligently in front of a grill.

"Hey Joel." Ellie walked over and poked him in his side, one of her many greetings nowadays.

"Hmm." Joel half-acknowledged Ellie's return. He had to focus. This was not only the first time in a while that he has grilled but this would be the first time Ellie would experience eating barbeque food. Being a big fan of barbeque himself, it would pain him for Ellie to dislike it because of his screw up.

"So we went to an old library today." Ellie said, walking over to a swing Joel had installed in a nearby tree. She took off her bag before getting comfortable on the swing.

"What'd you find?"

Ellie bent down and reached into her bag, pulling out each book she found.

"Looks like some pretty cool stuff, The Great Gatsby, Fahrenheit 451, Of Mice and Men, The Catcher in the Rye, which I've already started. Loving it so far." Ellie said with a smile, setting the book aside to read while Joel grilled. She had a feeling it could be a while before dinner is ready so might as well indulge in the mean time.

Joel was shocked but didn't say anything. He didn't think Ellie would like books, no, _classics_, such as those.

"Maria recommended that I get this book, Brave New World, with it being set in the far future and all that."

Joel distinctly remembered reading that book in high school. It wasn't a bad read…a bit unorthodox but interesting nonetheless.

He wondered if that book would be right for her. It could be a bit…extreme at times.

"And I also found this one. 50 Shades of Grey."

Scratch that. She could keep that one.

"50 Shades of what?" Joel questioned, to make sure his ears didn't deceive him. He was turning 50 fairly soon, his hearing was bound to play tricks on him sooner or later.

"50 Shades of Grey." Ellie continued. "I nabbed it when no one was looking."

_Figures._

Joel took a few deep breaths. He dreaded having this conversation with her, and with Sarah. The day Sarah asked him about the book, Joel swore he almost had a stroke right there.

The troubles of being a single father.

Joel switched the grill to a low setting to ensure nothing would burn to a crisp and walked over to Ellie. He knelt down in front of her to look her in the eyes. As difficult it could be.

"Look, Ellie." Joel swallowed. "That book ain't for kids."

"Why?"

"There are some things in that book that just aren't right." Joel said.

"So you read it?"

"Bits and pieces."

"What's it about?"

A chill went up Joel's spine. "Look, I don't want you reading it is all."

"But why? What could be so bad about it? I didn't know there were 50 shades of grey so it sounds interesting enough."

Joel nearly collapsed.

"You're a kid. It ain't for you."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "I'm turning 16."

"And that book is for lonely 40 year olds."

"So this is more up your alley then?" Ellie said with a slight smirk.

He let her have that one. He walked right into that after all.

"Let me re-iterate. Lonely 40 year old _women."_

"I honestly doubt it could be that bad, Joel."

"Believe me, it is."

"Then which is worse? Dawn of the Wolf or 50 Shades?"

That was a tough one. Joel never found a distinct difference between the two. As a matter of fact, he remembers reading that 50 Shades was based off Dawn of the Wolf in some way.

"It doesn't matter, both are terrible. And I don't want you reading this."

Ellie sighed. "Fine, I'll just toss it somewhere."

"Thank you." Joel affectionately patted her head, stood up and walked back to the grill. The food was just about ready.

But what he didn't know is that as soon as he turned around, Ellie tucked the book back into her bag.

**~T~L~O~U~**

Ellie requested an encore of the dinner last night and Joel was more than happy to oblige. Unfortunately the old grill broke down and Joel had to resort to building a campfire. It might take a bit longer, but it'd be worth it.

Ellie barely left her room today. She only came out to eat breakfast and to use the bathroom when needed. Joel suspected that with all the books Ellie hoarded she would most likely be huddled up in her room all day, possibly even for the next week or so. Brave New World could keep her quiet for a good month or so. Better that than stirring up trouble around the settlement or trouble with him. His heart could only take so much and he was certain Ellie's shenanigans may have nicked a few hours off his delicate life.

Joel was cooking sausages when the sound of a door being opened harshly filled the air. He looked up and spotted Ellie walking quickly towards him. Her hair was down and she was still in her pajamas, consisting of a striped red and white tank top and black shorts. Her bright green eyes were wide and filled with a mix between fear and disgust. The likely cause of her distraught state of being was clutched tightly in her arms.

Ellie said nothing as she sat next to Joel and tossed the book into the fire. The two were silent as they watched the book slowly burn away.

Joel didn't even need to ask.

"You guys were into some weird shit back then." Ellie muttered. "50 Shades of What the Fuck is more like it.

Joel sighed. "Don't I know it..."

* * *

I swear to god...XD

TOO GOOD TO PASS UP

Excuse me while I laugh into oblivion as I dive back into my school work. *peace*

Thanks for reading and please leave a review =) I'd love to see what y'all think of this. =D


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